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What we learnt from Game of Thrones S6, Ep1. SPOILERS.

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Well, that was a pretty dramatic start to Season 6 of Game of Thrones! From Westeros to Essos, there was a lot to catch up on, but the wait is finally over. Here, we talk about the main things we learnt from another action-packed episode...

The Red Woman is OLD. Like REALLY old
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WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Melisandre a.k.a the Red Woman is not this beautiful, tempting figure after all. She is super, super old. Right at the end of episode 1, Melisandre undresses in front a mirror (something she does a lot of, in fairness). After taking off her necklace, we saw her for what she really is. It appears the Lord of Light’s power only extends so far. Just as Beric Dondarrion’s repeated resurrections took more out of him, Melisandre’s powers may come at a price.

All of which leaves us with a few questions:
Who the hell is Melisandre’s jeweller?!
Is that what Melisandre ACTUALLY looks like?
What does this mean for Jon Snow? We don’t know if the Lord Commander will come back (I have every digit crossed…and am optimistic), but it seems the Red Woman is his best hope…

Ser Alliser Thorne is not very nice
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Thorne is a naturally unpleasant man who most of us have disliked from the start. I mean, he HATED Jon Snow. Who hates Jon Snow (except half the Night’s Watch)? To be fair, Alliser looks like he doesn’t give a raven’s poop about what people think about him. Which is good, because I think he’s a ****!

In Episode 1, he casually admitted killing his Lord Commander (during a speech about loyalty, the rascal!) and didn’t seem at all bothered. To make matters worse, he seems totally prepared to kill Davos. Jon Snow is one thing. The Onion Knight is something else. Mr Seaworth could be a key part of keeping Jon alive. Anyone who jeopardises that is in big trouble. 

Thorne and his cronies can’t see the Haunted Forest for the trees at the moment. They’re obsessed with the wildling threat while the White Walkers close in. And they’ll need Jon when they come.

Ramsay Bolton is a bastard
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Interpret that word how you want.

Of course, we didn’t learn this. We already knew this. But, standing over Miranda’s dead body after her grisly death at the end of Season 5, we saw something approaching compassion from everyone’s least favourite bastard. He lamented that she was always fearless and was the only one who never trembled in his terrifying presence.

Did he love her? Maybe. Will he mourn her? Maybe not. When asked if he would like her body burnt or buried, his reply was colder than winter at The Wall: “She’s good meat for the dogs.” Ramsay is a terrible husband…he’d make an even worse funeral director.

Brienne is a hero
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You don’t need me to tell you that. Over the seasons, the Tarth Terror has grown in importance and here, she finally started to fulfil her primary purpose: to protect the Stark girls however she can.

At the end of Season 4, Brienne was unable to stop Arya escaping as she battled The Hound. Arya is now stuck in Braavos without sight and with a few bruises…a reminder that you should always stick with Brienne. Last night, I screamed ‘YES!!’ when Brienne showed up just in time to rescue the re-captured Sansa. The eldest Stark daughter has had a terrible few years…with Brienne by her side, the comeback starts here.

No more Mr Nice Guy in Dorne
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So much stabbing. Doran Martell, the supposedly weak ruler of Dorne is no more after being bitten by the Sand Snakes’ steel. Stung by a lack of action over the death of both Elia and Oberyn Martell, the Snakes decided to kill off Doran and seize power in Dorne for themselves.

Whether Doran was actually weak or just biding his time for retaliation against the Lannisters, we’ll never know. What we do know is that the Sand Snakes are tough, without compassion and deadly with a spear (as poor Tristane now knows). The Lannisters are about to hit Dorne hard. The snakes will have to be deadly again to stay alive.

Cersei is about to go on the rampage
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It’s unfair that others have to keep paying for Cersei’s twisted, evil nature. Princess Myrcella was, by Cersei’s admission, ‘pure’ and unlike her mother. It’s unfortunate that she was the one picked off by the Sand Snakes, while Cersei is free to get angrier and angrier. An angry Cersei is a deadly Cersei. She is without shame…if you know what I mean.

Of course, Cersei probably saw this coming. It was prophesised that all her children would die before her, and now there is only one Lannister child left. If I was Tommen, I would stay in a locked room, never drink wine and avoid holidays to Dorne. I don’t care HOW sunny it looks down there.

With almost nothing left to lose and not known as the forgiving type, Cersei is going to rain fire upon the Dornish. They’d better be ready.

Daenerys is in trouble, but for how long?
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So, Dany was picked up by an angry Dothraki horde. The Dothraki are not the most compassionate people and made Daenerys walk all the way back to Vaes Dothrak, their capital city. Upon reaching the Khalasar’s leader, she revealed that she used to be the wife of Khal Drogo and (eventually) gained a little respect. Daenerys is good at these matter-of-fact revelations, after her dramatic butchering of the slaver in Astapor shows.

It now looks like she’ll be made to live out her days among the widows of dead Khals, right? Well, that wouldn’t make for a good story, would it! With Daario Naharis and Ser Jorah Mormont not too far behind, we think an escape is on the cards. The two of them will do anything to rescue her, and they’re a pair even a Khalasar would have difficulty beating.

Daario ‘wants to see what the world will look like when Daenerys is done conquering it.’ So do we, Daario. So do we.

Either way, bring on Episode 2!

If you made it this far without catching a spoiler: a) How? b) Watch Season 6 on Catch Up here
Or, if you want to refresh your memory, Season 1-5 is on Box Set here

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