A recap of S7 Ep9 of The Walking Dead: Rock In The Road *WARNING: SPOILERS*
Season 7 of The Walking Dead returned last night, like a flat-mate who’s been missing for three months but then turns up with a six-pack of beers and a Chinese takeaway.
Rick Grimes and the gang returned with a spring in their step, fire in their belly and a twinkle in their eye. After being subjugated by Negan and the Saviours for most of the season, it seems the worm has finally turned and our heroes are about to reign on his parade.
Here are 5 things we learned from ‘Rock in the road’…
1. Negan is the STAR! Negan and Fat Joe
It says it all when Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s Negan, our friendly baseball bat-wielding psycho, was not even physically on screen but still outshone everyone else in the episode.
As Rick and co made a secret visit to the Hillside compound, where Maggie, Sasha and Enid have been hiding with Jesus, the ‘holy’ one had got his sticky fingers on a walkie-talkie from the Saviours, ensuring they could follow Negan’s train of thought via the radio.
Lo and behold, it didn’t take long for our man to fill the airwaves with his winning tone, offering his condolences to recently departed Fat Joe (battered by Daryl earlier in the season.) Apparently, there’s only Skinny Joe left now and without Fat Joe, ‘Skinny Joe is now just Joe.'
2. Rosita is pure SHADE! Shady Lady
There you are in post-apocalyptic world, stuck between flesh-eating zombies and a wise-cracking skull breaker in a leather jacket, and you want a little light relief by shooting the breeze with a mate. Whatever you do, DON’T engage in a convo with Rosita.
Sasha made the fatal mistake on trying to have a ‘girly chat’ with ‘sister’ Rosita. The warning signs were obvious – the sulky demeanour and homicidal tendencies are just a couple of clues.
Before she knew it, Sasha got completely burned by Rosita, who threw more shade than a solar eclipse. Put it this way, they won’t be going for a girls’ night out anytime soon.
3. Rick stories need WORK! Bore off Rick
So the gang had reached the Kingdom in their efforts to ‘round up a posse’ to take on Negan, and were granted an audience with King Ezekiel (and obligatory Tiger). The thing about Eazy E is, he’s a bit of a luvvie and loves a good story, so the ball was firmly in Rick’s court as he prepared to persuade the King onside.
After a good start, in which Rick announced he would tell a story his dear old mum used to tell about a ‘rock in the road’. Two hours later (it felt like two hours anyway) Rick finally stopped moving his mouth and King Ezekial was left looking like his soul had been sucked out of his body via his nose.
Note to Rick: Make the story shorter, throw in a few jokes and King Ezekial may have been a bit more interested in your proposal.
Bring the BADASS back Carol! C'mon Carol, liven up!
Carol used to be such a laugh. When she wasn’t baking cookies she was busy killing people in a variety of ways. Now she’s turned into the grumpy lady who spends her days walking around a forest talking to the trees.
When she’s not having in depth discussions with plant-life, everyone favourite former badass is chewing up young lads who come to see if the ‘Crazy Lady’ of the woods is okay, before spitting them out! Carol is obviously going through some emotional turmoil but the quicker she stops dawdling and re-joins the group the better.
They obviously miss her cookies!
Flossing RICK Grimes style!
Rick Grimes AKA The Flosser
Look don’t get me wrong, I love character and plot development like the next man watching the gang kill zombies is the highlight of the show, ALWAYS! Yesterday’s ep gave us what we came for with a cherry on top!
Just imagine the process of flossing your teeth, and then swap your teeth for a motorway, the meaty bits in between your pearly whites for Walkers and replace the floss with industrial wire pulled along by two cars travelling at speed. What you're left with is absolute carnage of epic proportions and a warm feeling inside.